I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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