When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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