I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My hand turned me down
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
