there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
