my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
