We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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