I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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