she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
