how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
