when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
