I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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