I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm both gender and math confused
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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