who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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