Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
