Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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