im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
