I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
