She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
