I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
