Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
