If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize