the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
