p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
