P.S. I can't hear my feet
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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