WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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