I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
