i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
