went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
