Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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