I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
