i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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