Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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