Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
