Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
