There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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