Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize