I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
