i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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