Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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