Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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