At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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