Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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