My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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