we have officially lost it.
4 words: hood of his car
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize