i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
