can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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