i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
