from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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