Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
