Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
