Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
