Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
