it's like iHOP with fire
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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