Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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