Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
