oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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