hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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