She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As shirtless as possible
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
