yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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