carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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