but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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