Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
