i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
