So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
