you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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