The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
