he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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