I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
