We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
